Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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