Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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