someone owes me an orgasm
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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