And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
there was a trapeze. enough said
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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