i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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