Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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