Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
