These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
