in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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