I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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