dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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