probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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