i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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