my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
