Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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