I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
