Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
