u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
