What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Randomize
