I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
