Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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