Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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