she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
