I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
