people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
