so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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