I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
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