He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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