If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
