i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
