Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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