Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
