Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
