let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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