my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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