i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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