she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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