Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
