Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
