I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have feelings that need drinking.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
