Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
