you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
