Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
