Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
