hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
