What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
