He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
try to milk me bitch
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
