The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
