he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
