and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
