I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
