it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
