i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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