Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
