There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
