Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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