Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
