Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
