I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She's the barista slut.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
