It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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