His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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