i was rollin on her like bob the builder
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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