Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
