Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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