If i come over, it means nothing
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
