I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
